That night we stayed up late talking over dessert- ice cream, a rare treat for us. Just as it was being served, Dad called me to come rub his feet in his bed. I sat there rubbing his fat, smelly feet wishing they were Daniel's and thinking about my ice cream melting into a syrupy puddle in its bowl, melting away slowly... Darn it, couldn't he hurry up and drift off to sleep? But the foot prodded me annoyingly.

"Becky, this toe really hurts. Would you try pulling on it? The other foot hurts too!"

I heard Daniel ask somebody to put my ice cream in the freezer before it melted, and again, it was a small thing, but my heart was thankful. After Dad finally went to sleep, and we talked until about midnight. That night was my dishes night and Daniel had helped. He was going to rinse, but when I asked him to check them, because I couldn't see the dishes and washed by feel, he looked a little surprised and then wanted to wash and have me rinse. I don't know why, but there was something incredibly sexy about seeing a man wash dishes (still is, now that I think about it, lol). In our family, men never, ever helped with any kind of housework.

I slept soundly, being short on sleep, and woke up at 3 AM to Eliyah in my face, shaking me.

"Becky, I need you to to get up and help me deliver papers"

"But, (I was half asleep) it's Sabbath", I said. I wasn't sure whether this was a nightmare or actually happenening. I went back to sleep. Suddenly I was being jostled awake again! Dad was there.

"Becky, hurry up! You have to get up and help me."

"Oh....can't I just go back to sleep or something like that?" I was really not fully awake....again, it seemed like a bad dream that I wanted to go away. Through the sleepy layers of dreamland, I heard him say angrily,

"Yeah, why don't you just do that! Why don't you just go back to sleep!"

He stomped out and I heard the front door slam and the truck spin out of the driveway. The angry words and slammed door woke me up. Oh no, I thought, I really said that. He's mad. I was fully awake now and couldn't go back to sleep. His angry, sarcastic words hung in my mind like a dark storm cloud ready to let loose with thunder, lightning, hail, and the works. Then I wondered if he had taken Daniel home. Maybe I should have gotten up. But on Sabbath? Somehow I felt like I'd done the right thing and yet I felt horribly guilty and anxious about Dad being mad at me. I heard a light snoring from the other room and listened closely. It wasn't Raphah, his door was always closed. It was a man's snore, so it must be Daniel! They had him sleeping on the couch. So he was here after all! The thought of being able to spend time with him and not have Dad hovering threateningly nearby was heartening.

I heard Mom talking quietly to someone and listened hard. Sarah. Raphah must also be there, or Dad wouldn't have put so much effort into waking me up. Rachel wasn't a lot of help and I could hear her breathing in the bunk below. So Dad had gone alone. Maybe we'd have a nice day. Soon I heard Daniel talking quietly to Sarah and Mom. Well, I couldn't go back to sleep, and everyone else was talking, so I might as well get up and join in before I missed something interesting!

"Oh", said Mom when she saw me, "You didn't go with Dad?"
"No", and I told her about it.
"Oh, well don't feel bad about it. He's just crabby. Saturday papers are easy anyhow. Today is Sabbath."

Daniel agreed, and the four of us talked there in the dark. After a while the room was light enough that we could see one another. It was Sabbath, so after a breakfast of raw oatmeal and yogurt (we ate this like cereal with milk), we read scriptures and sang songs together. The chores had already been done and Daniel wanted to go for a Sabbath walk. That sounded like fun, so we all walked down to Chase Lake, about a mile away. Even though it was the middle of February, it was a very nice, sunny day as Daniel kept commenting on:

"What a beautiful Sabbath day Yahweh has blessed us with, blue sky and all!"

"There's a cloud over there", said Raphah grumpily, but Daniel just laughed.

"Yeah, isn't that purty the way He put that one little cloud there all by itself? Look how fluffy it is, and with the rays of sunlight coming through the bottom..."

But Raphah wasn't listening. He was busy packing a snowball together. The road was shady in places and sometimes I wished I'd brought a coat. I had on only my favorite blue dress I'd gotten from the dumpster. Daniel pointed out the cedars which flourished in the shade and damp:

"Look at the way those cedars there hold their branhes, doesn't that remind you of that verse about the trees clapping their hands?"

He was constantly saying things like that. To Daniel, the whole earth was a manifestation of God's love for us and His careful attention to every detail. His spirituality was so different from the one we'd been enmeshed in, his God so different from ours, so much more caring and compassionate. We talked along these lines all the way to Chase Lake, stood on the only dock there and looked at the frozen lake. It was more of a big pond really. Since Mom was at home, Daniel led us in a Sabbath prayer. It was such a nice day, so warm. The sky was the same color blue as his eyes.

Suddenly the quiet moment was broekn by a scuffle and a scream. Raphah had thrown his snowball at Rachel and she had attacked him in turn. They were at the end of the dock wrestling and I was sure one of them would end up in the icy water, but somehow Daniel managed to restore peace between them. Rachel's plastic headband was broken and she was crying while Raphah glared at her sullenly.

"It's Sabbath, you guys know better than to fight on Sabbath"

Raphah's rebellious gaze met Daniel's stern one. He dropped his head, ashamed. Daniel's eyes sparkled again and he put his hand gently on Raphah's shoulder.

"Boys will be boys!"

Raphah didn't stay ashamed for long! He giggled mischeiviously,

"Betcha can't catch me!", and he took off cavorting down the road, tossing snowballs at us, most of which missed. Occasionally we'd lob one back at him, but we were mostly busy talking and enjoying the walk.

"Hoo-eee! Lovey dovey!" Another snowball missed its mark. I was really embarrassed, but Daniel just laughed and launched a cold missile at Raphah, which knocked his cap off. Laughing, dodging, throwing, they horsed around like two schoolboys. Anyone watching them could forget that Daniel was a thrity-five year old man! But that was part of what made him so appealing; he could be so childlike. The night before when he had asked for a cookie, he's had the face of a little boy saying pretty please!

We dropped Rachel off at the house on the way past the cabin and picked up two of the puppies, Lassie and Laddie. Daniel had decided he wanted a puppy, and after careful consideration, Lassie was his choice. Because my dogs had all vanished, I was going to keep Laddie. They had almost identical tricolor markings, and we carried them in our arms. We walked most of the way to Coolin and back again, talking the whole way.

That afternoon after we came back, we went to visit Fox and the goats. For once, there were no chaperoning siblings nearby. Daniel sank down onto his knees,

"Will you marry me?"

He had that winsome little boy look on his face.

"Yeah", I said shyly. He jumped up and held me in his arms as if I were the most precious thing on earth! I was not used to being treated that way at all. For once in my life, I was beginning to feel like I was loved, like I could get used to someone loving me. We were so happy. We walked back to the house hand in hand. He asked me if my parents would mind our engagement.

"My mom won't mind", I said happily, "She knows that you're the right one. But you might not want to tell Dad yet."

I felt him tense beside me, but he didn't comment.

We went into the house in a sort of ethereal daze. Mom was just as happy for us as I'd thought she'd be. Dad was still sleeping. We sat at the table reading a book together, chatting quietly, holding hands, our chairs close together. He woke up, fixed his suspicious, groggy eyes on us, and asked us what we were so happy about. We had some sort of true but non-specific answer. As he walked by to the bathroom, he told us we were sitting too close together. Our hands had flown into our own laps as soon as he'd come into sight. He ate dinner, looking at us like a thief casing a house. We were unsuspecting, lost in our own world, our faces aching from smiling so much. He slept again.

That evening, Daniel held me close in an embrace before we said goodnight. I wished with all my heart that I could leave that place now. But I wasn't eighteen yet and he was thirty-five. We would have to get consent from at least one legal parent. Maybe Mom would do that for us. The thought of asking my father did not even cross my mind, for good reason. He would give me a practical talk about going to college, buying a car, getting a job, etc.... For now, I was happy, so happy. I had no idea that I might never be this happy again. I think he may have brushed his lips against my forehead. All I know now is that I wanted so badly to be with him, for him not to go. Because in the background of my heart, there was a tiny, quivering fear, quietly sounding an alarm.