After one of Daniel's weekend visits, Dad took Raphah and I to do the Sunday paper route, taking Daniel back home on the way back, because Daniel didn't have a car. He didn't like mechanization, and dreamed of a world in which everyone rode horses or rode in horsedrawn carts and carriages and sleighs. In a world of his making, everyone would have beautiful hand made things in their homes, no plastic at all, nothing mass produced. Every farm would have fences that flowed with the curves of the landscape, and trees would be planted in more natural formations instead of straight rows. A lot of his ideals were pretty unrealistic, but I admired and repsected him for being able to think outside the box, to dream, to come up with a vision for alternative to our throwaway, immediate gratification society.

After assembling enough papers to start the route, Raphah and I sat in the back of the Blazer, putting the rest of them together and stuffing them into bags. When we got to Laclede, all the men went for a bathroom break in the bushes by the post office. I couldn't, because there wasn't enough cover; even though it was still dark, there were lights all over the place, and I was very modest. Dad said I would have to wait until we got into Sandpoint, which would take at least an hour, because there were so many boxes to stop and fill on a Sunday morning. The time seemed to drag on forever, and embarrassing as it was, I asked him several times to stop anywhere in the countryside so I could run off into the woods and go, but he wouldn't let me. I really had to go, but he just ignored me after a while.

At Odd Fellows Plaza on the edge of Sandpoint, he made me get out to hand deliver several papers, as usual. There was a bathroom there, but he wouldn't let me use it. As soon as I stepped out into the cold air, my bladder gave out. After delivering the papers, I stepped behind a fence, took my jacket off and tied it around my waist, hoping it would hide the huge wet mark on my jeans, but since it was January, wearing a jacket around my waist was pretty conspicuous. When the Blazer came back to where I was, Daniel got out and opened the door for me, but I was so humiliated that I couldn't even look at him. When I did work up enough courage to glance quickly in his direction, he had a look on his face like he knew exactly what had happened. He didn't look disgusted, he just looked like he knew. I hopped quickly into the blazer, burning with shame. Dad looked back at me with a sneering smile and so did Raphah. With a sinking feeling in my stomach I realized that Daniel must know too. I was so upset that I started crying quietly with my head on my knees. In the front seat ahead of me, I heard Daniel asking Dad quietly if we could stop at a restroom yet. Dad made a noncommital grunt, looked out the window, and kept driving. He stopped and got out at one of the stops, and I felt something patting my knee. I peeked to see what it was; it was Daniel's hand patting my knee comfortingly . Oh no, he did know, he must! I was flooded with despair and couldn't help crying even more, feeling as though my entire body was leaking now.

After the whole route was complete, Dad stopped at the Dairy Depot gas station to buy gas. Daniel opened the door for me and I scrambled out. When I got out of the bathroom, I stood in the hall and waited for Raphah. Suddenly I saw a familiar blond head bobbing above the candy racks. Oh no, Daniel was coming our way! He came up near me andmade small talk. I stared numbly at the 7-Up machine in the corner and mumbled one or two word replies. Then he said something about how nice it was to have me for a friend.
"Yeah, it's nice to have friends", I said.
It was the only thing I could think of to say! He laughed quietly and said, "Come here", holding his arms out to me. He gave such nice hugs, as though he cherished me. While he held me, he talked about the toothpick incident, said that was when he'd started to like me, because he liked the way I'd handled what could have been a horrible scene if it'd happened to another girl my age. He chuckled again and told me he loved me. He said it in the most wonderful way, as if I were being sort of silly but he loved me anyway. Then Raphah came out and Daniel went in. When he emerged, we all went back to the Blazer.

Dad pulled out a brown paper sack and declared,
"Whoever guesses what's in here gets some!"

"It's candy!", shouted Daniel.

He was right; there were two boxes, one of the standard coffe nips, the other of chocolate parfait nips. Everything was happier then, and we snacked on the candy all the way back to Wrenco Loop. When Daniel was out and on his way walking up the road to his cabin, Dad turned and looked at me.

"So, Becky, did you have a nice bath?"

"Yeah Becky, chimed in Raphah, did you have fun wetting your pants?"

But I didn't care anymore. My ears were still ringing with the gentle words of Daniel. For days afterward, all the petty annoyances of our life didn't even touch me. I was floating along in a world of my own and my mind was with Daniel. He'd said that I was beautiful, and for the first time in my life, I almost believed it was true. "Intelligent", "determined", "strong", "different", "creative"...these were the words I was used to hearing people use to describe me. "Beautiful" was a word that was used for Sarah or my mother, and "cute" was a word for Rachel. Neither were ever used for me, but when he said them, they had a ring of truth. For once, there was someone in my life who valued me for who I really was, not what they hoped I might be someday if they changed me enough.

It seemed like forever before Dad brought him back again, even though it was only a week, but it was worth the wait. We had to get water that night, so Daniel, Raphah and I rode in the back of the truck with the drippy wet water barrels, but I didn't mind so much since he was with us. Once at Mark's house, we also had to shovel the driveway, which took us an hour or two. One the way back, Dad let us ride in the front. I rode in the middle with Raphah on my lap, and Daniel sat on the passanger's side with Sarah on his lamp. My thin leather gloves were worn through at the thumb and fingertips. We were riding along like that, packed in cozily, when I felt a big calloused hand take mine very gently and tenderly. When he realized I had a glove on, his fingers found the hole in the fingertips of my glove. I was sorry I'd left the glove on, but since I couldn't take it off, I slowly leaned my head over until it rested on his shoulder. He was all warm from working and smelled nice, a combination of vegetarian male, birch wood smoke, horse, and something else indescribable- the scent of Daniel. By and by, he leaned my way until his head was resting on mine.

I don't think Dad even noticed until he got out at the Tamrak convenience store and came back to the truck. Then he made Raphah and I get out and ride in the back. It was colder now than it had been before; Daniel took his coat and wooly white sweater off, laid the sweater down in the bed of the truck and covered me with his coat to keep the wind off of me. He only had on his favorite blue plaid shirt now. Despite being in the back of a truck in mid-February for over half an hour, I was warm and cozy all the way home. When the truck stopped, he hopped out quickly to help me out of the truck and make sure I wasn't cold! These small things endeared me to him. Even though Daniel was a rustic sort whose hands were covered with callouses and scars from farm labor, he always behaved as a gentleman and treated me like a lady. I had never been treated that way before, and after years of ridicule and taunting, hearing kind, sincere words spoken to me was more precious than any meterial thing could have been.